Ever since the Magi delivered those epochal baby gifts, the tradition of celebrating birth with a shower of presents has been evolving. Along the way from myrrh to Tommy Hilfiger layettes, the tradition has lost some of it soul.
Today, a baby shower is as much commercial venture as social ritual.
And with 21 percent of all babies in this country
delivered by Caesarean section last year,
childbirth itself has become
a medical procedure,
detached from what
some mothers say can
be a transcendent spiritual
experience.

In an attempt to restore
some of the grace, an
alternative pre-partum
ceremony is emerging. Called
a "birth circle" or "blessing way",
it has it's roots in Native American culture.
So, it was that on a Saturday afternoon in mid-March,
about 25 of Katie Sarnoff's close women friends and relatives gathered in her chiropractic office in Vineland, N. J., to bless the mother and her nearly-there baby.

Sarnoff, 29, stood at the top of the stairs greeting her guests in a lullaby-soft voice and peaceful yogic smile. Long dark hair cascaded down her back. A black T-shirt stretched tightly over her basketball of a belly. The scents of homemade cookies and comfort-food casseroles wafted up from the finished basement, where the crowd was settling in on chairs, cushions and earth-toned rugs.

Over the course of the next few hours, the women would kneel before her, reading excerpts from Kahlil Gibran's "The Prophet", telling her how much they loved and admired her, and offering small symbolic stones and charms that she would make into a necklace to wear during labor.
Dodie Sarnoff, Katie's mother-in-law,
approached with her contribution.
"Here are your prayers.
I don't know if you are
going to look at them
when you're in labor
but ...". Next came
Katie's mother, Jan Sautier,
who had driven in from
Michigan with Katie's sister.
"A pearl from my mom's pearl
necklace and a charm that says,
"I love my family", Sautier said, as
both she and her daughter broke
down in tears. Later, Sautier said,
"I didn't think it would be this emotional".
And to see how loved her daughter is by so many friends..."
"Childbirth is the most profound change in a woman's life, physically, emotionally and hormonally", says Kathleen Furin, co-founder of the Maternal Wellness Center in Mount Airy, PA. Over the past seven years, Furin, a social worker and mother of two has arranged nearly a dozen of birth circles. She has had two of her own before her two sons were born and is currently putting together one for her sister, due in May.
She prefers to call them "birth circles" because the term "blessing way" is sacred to the Navajo. Focusing on the mother. Instead of unwrapping gifts, the mother-to-be is surrounded by friends and relatives who may pamper her, clean her house, prepare food, or write wishes on pieces of paper hopping for an easy labor of the baby's health.

Depending on the woman's degree of comfort with rituals,
the circle may also involve chanting, prayer,
candles and other ceremonial group
activities. All of this help remind
the woman that she is not
alone, that giving birth is
instinctive and as ancient
as life itself, and that
throughout her labor, her
friends and family will be
thinking of her.

"Baby showers are centered
around the baby", explains
Joan-E Rapine, a childbirth
educator from Medford, N.J.,
who also has organized circles
for several friends. "At a 'blessing way'
you're focusing on the mother, bringing
her blessings and love. For that evening, she's
the center of attention".

In western society, most of the preparation for birth is physical and economic, Furin says. Women take vitamins and get prenatal checkups. They prepare nursery rooms and plan for medical bills and child care. There is a tendency not to pay attention to the emotional side of birth". Furin says that almost any woman in her ninth month of pregnancy can benefit from a few hours of doting encouragement. A key part of the ceremony is to allow mother-to-be to express her hopes and fears.

While many of the women who opt for birth circles are also inclined to choose natural childbirth, "there is no one right way to give birth", Furin says. "What matters is that the woman feels safe and
well-cared for". At Furin's first birth circle,
her friends arrived and told her
to take a shower while they
cleaned her house and
decorated it with a
profusion of flowers.
When she came downstairs,
they massaged her feet and
wove flowers into her hair.
They also painted her belly,
put small shell and stones
into a pouch to represent
their wishes for her, and
tied pieces of string around
their wrists. When she went into
labor about month later, each friend
lit a candle, she said. "I knew my friends
were thinking of me". After her son was born,
each friend got the news, they cut off the string.
"It's about empowering women through labor", says Beth Ann Corr, an acupuncturist in Mount Airy who had a circle ceremony in December before the birth of her daughter. "It gives you a sense of community, reminding you that millions of women have gone through this before you, and you can do it, too".

Corr, who is in her 30s, says she found to have lasting and powerful effect that helped her stay focused for much of her labor. She chose to have a plaster cast made of her pregnant belly, which her friends decorated. "I used to sculpt a lot. It was neat to have this remembrance of my first baby. I keep it in the nursery. It's decorated with dried flowers and is actually quite beautiful".

Sarnoff had a belly cast made in advance
of the blessing way. It sat on a
table throughout the ceremony,
chalky white and ghostly,
but elegant still, in all its
armless-Venus glory. Her
friends wove a wreath
of flowers and placed it
on her head.
Her husband, Michael,
sat beside her, massaging
her lower back. As the only
man in the room, he felt no
discomfort, only pride. "If it
weren't for me, none of them
would be here!".